i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
