i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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