Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
