He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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