Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize