Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
