So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
