i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
