My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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