I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
