so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
