my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
