I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize