So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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