I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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