Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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