laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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