oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
