So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
