Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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