So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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