I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
