K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
