if only i could text you this smell
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
