my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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