Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
