You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
