I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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