Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
