i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize