at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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