my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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