You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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