I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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