My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
