Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
