Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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