Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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