he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
