I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
