the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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