Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize