you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
