I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize