Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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