If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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