I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
