I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
