Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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