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a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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