uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
