i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
