i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
