Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
