I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
