So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
