I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
