My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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