Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
