Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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