plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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