So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
