I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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