I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
