i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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