I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize