dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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