guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
