dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize