Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
