i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
