I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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