You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
