We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
