i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
