So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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