If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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