in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize