i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
