Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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