I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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