She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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