I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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