What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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