i just had sex bonerless
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
