3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
