Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
