Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She needs sedatives and a leash
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
