This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
