is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
