hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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