idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
