Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
