All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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