I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
