Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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