So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
